By Aileen Marques
As an advocate practicing in the Courts in Mumbai over the past so many years, there is one aspect of human relationships that strikes me the most. The aspect of knot and unknot is what I am talking about here.
Till some time ago… many youngsters I met during workshops would say they would get married at Bandra Court if their parents didn’t agree to the marriage. And I would get back and say “but weddings do not happen in Bandra Court, they happen at the Office of the Sub-Registrar situated in the Mhada office in Bandra”. This was a new learning for many, who have been mobbed by lawyers outside Bandra court. Of course now the office is shifted to Khar!!
Few steps away from the Mhada office is the Family court, where on an average 60-70 cases are on the daily board of each of the 7 courts – most of them for divorce. Many of the couples are young; married for about 2-4 years and now seeking a divorce. There are couples who courted/dated and then married and then there are those who had a phat mangni and phat shaadi. Incompatibility, temperamental issues, finances, cultural differences, violence etc. are some of the issues that people mention as reasons for divorce.
I often wonder if, when people hurry into a marriage for various reasons, are they even aware that divorce will be a long drawn battle. Guess most of the times, it is inauspicious to think about divorce at the time of marriage. I am of the opinion that if some time is taken to know, understand and inquire about the person, the family, the educational and professional background and finances, the cases of divorces may reduce. An informed decision is what I highly recommend.
A marriage is a life time decision. For the woman she lets go of her old identity and adopts a new one. From name to a house and then a home… it is all new. With empowerment has come the funda of adding your husband’s surname after your maiden surname. Doesn’t this lead to a new identity in itself? Isn’t it a facade? For men, it is the addition to his family, another woman to care for him, another mouth to feed etc etc. Weddings are expensive these days – more with a theme wedding and a destination wedding. The wedding is that one day of bliss and joy which should pave the way for a happy married life. However the couple is bogged down with the anxiety of wedding planning, expenses and customs and marriage takes a backseat while the wedding becomes the focus. And that’s where I see the problem. Instead of focusing on the wedding day, I think couples should focus on the days, months and years that follow the wedding day. They should talk and share about the married life they intend to have, the responsibilities that they are willing to share and adjustments that they are willing to make. Communication and personal sharing is the key here. I see this as a major issue among young couples these days. It is all taken for granted.
Up the aisle and then soon to file is a difficult situation. The law has its parameters so you cannot hurry with a divorce. The wedding loans are still being paid and now a new expense for divorce. Knots have to be unknotted and it takes an emotional toll on the couple and their families leave alone the time spent in court rooms and court corridors and at the lawyer’s office. So make an informed decision about your choice of partner. Take time to interact with each other and communicate your fears, anxieties and dreams. Do not hurry into a marriage… hurry can be a disadvantage.